Oh my goodness, teenagers can be amazing and scary and lovable and just a wonderful mix of everything. Thank you puberty hormones ~ we love you!
If you are struggling with a child that has suddenly (or apparently overnight) become someone you don’t even recognise then there are a few issues you may not have considered!
1. Drugs, yes I said it!
How can something so lovely looking, just like candy/lollies/sweets be so dangerous?
More prevalent than you think drugs can set off all sorts of aggressive behaviours. I hate saying it, I hate thinking it and I would like to think this is never going to be a choice for my children but the facts are the facts.
http://theothertalk.org.au/wp-content/uploads/2013/07/ADF_Infographics_Landscape1.pdf
If you are worried about whether your child is taking drugs http://theothertalk.org.au/wp-content/uploads/2013/07/ADF_Infographics_Landscape1.pdf
but remember not all kids who take drugs as an adolescent will develop an ongoing problem. Nonetheless, it would be remiss of me not to mention that this is one cause of aggressive behaviour in teenagers.
2. Depression and Anxiety. 
This too, is not something we want our children to experience however, we cannot close our eyes to the fact that it not only happens it is a major cause of suicide attempts. I put a new resource on the blog for this one. http://www.parentingstrategies.net/depression/ There is a whole gambit of reasons why a child may be suffering depression however, addressing it as soon as possible is going to be a great help.
3. Cyber Stalking – you cannot escape the internet as I have said before however the 
consequences of using it without supervision can lead to a child being bullied or targeted by paedophiles. Taskforce Argos is part of the Queensland Police set up to help with teenagers using the internet and keeping them safe http://www.police.qld.gov.au/Resources/Internet/services/reportsPublications/documents/page32.pdf
http://mypolice.qld.gov.au/blog/2011/12/05/internet-safety-tips-for-children-and-parents/
4. Bullying ~ a major cause of depression, is your child being targeted? This one is difficult to know however, I would urge you to read the link above about Internet Safety Tips to begin with to assist with reducing cyber bullying. The was a powerful documentary on children being bullied made in the United States called bullying. Quite frankly I can wear all the Orange I want on one day of the year to make people realise bullying is not tolerated but if your child is the target then one anti-bullying day does not cut it. I cannot stress enough how important it is to have an emotional literacy dialogue with children and open up lines of communication. Teach assertiveness, aid with building self-esteem and contact the school or police if appropriate. Bullying is a leading cause of suicide in young people whether it be their sexual orientation to the clothes they wear children cannot help but create pack mentalities. The form into “groups” and bullying can result. While there is no one single cause of bullying some family factors include:
- A lack of warmth and involvement by parents.
- Overly permissive parenting (including a lack of limits for children’s behaviour).
- A lack of supervision by parents.
- Harsh, physical discipline.
- Parent modeling of bullying behaviour.
- Victimization by older brothers or sisters.
Peer bullying may be the result of:
- A lack of supervision by parents.
- Harsh, physical discipline at home.
- Parents modeling bullying behaviour.
- Some aggressive children who take on high status roles may use bullying as a way to enhance their social power and protect their prestige with peers.
- Some children with low social status may use bullying as a way to deflect taunting and aggression directed towards them, or to enhance their social position with higher status peers.
- For teenage girls, social aggression can be a way of creating excitement or alleviating boredom. It is also used as a method of gaining attention from other girls in order to secure friendships
No matter the cause, if your child is targeted then there may be some aggressive behaviours at home. Many children are too scared to talk about bullying, carry it by themselves, are fearful of reprisals and almost self implode.
This is not a particularly pleasant topic, nonetheless it is worse when you are in the mix of it, particularly if you have more than one teenager in the home. To top it all off if you are in a single parent family teenagers can feel they have equal status to the parent. The waters definitely get muddy if no firm boundaries are set from an early age. I have also spoken about providing choices however this can be the choice of consequences depending on the behaviour eg. stop now like I asked or miss out on (something) for (the rest of the evening, for twenty-four hours, the rest of your life). Just remember you have to live with the consequences too so make sure it is something you can deal with. Grounding for a month can drive the child and the parent crazy. Importantly though, the consequences must be something that can be put in place, simply no one is going to ground a child for a year. Dont over react but don’t under react.
The most important thing, no matter the behaviours is remember:
STAY CALM,
ROLE MODEL RESOLUTION SKILLS,
DO NOT TAKE ON A CHILD IN THE HEAT OF BATTLE,
NEVER GET DRAWN INTO THE FIGHT,
ATTEMPT TO TALK THINGS THROUGH AND PROVIDE STRATEGIES TO DEAL WITH ISSUES,
ASK FOR HELP
Pine Connections 